Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Crazy Bitch

These are the darkest days that Rock N' Roll has had in years. There were golden days once, when Led Zeppelin was doing coke off stripper's nipples, then going out to play "Rock N' Roll", or when Jim Morrison was drunk, singing Roadhouse Blues, or when Skynyrd blew The Who off the stage, with Ronnie Van Zant singing barefoot so he could "Feel the heat comin off the stage". There has been excellent rock n' roll every decade since the stuff came out in the 50's; even the 90's saw AC/DC still rumbling, Oasis rising, the Black Crowes still rocking, and the emergence of Kid Rock as a powerful performer.

Unfortunately, everything has been turned upside down in these last few years. The whiny "emo" bands have emerged in place of the boy bands, and this new brand of pussy punk has emerged as the dominant force in the genre. I mean, even look at the names: Yellowcard? My Chemical Romance? Fall Out Boy? Are you kidding? These are the ones who are inheriting the Rocking and Rolling torch?

To be plain, these bands suck. They whine about girly things, they're always crying, and always...well, being "emo". Now, I've got a girlfriend; I don't need this shit in a rock n' roll song. What I want is all out, tattooed, badass motherfucker I'm-so-drunk-I-can't-even-fuck-gimme-some-coke-and-send-over-the-broads rock n'roll.

Who shall inherit this proud mantle!?

I've got your answer, and it's these fucks:

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This band put out two albums that smoked (and by smoked, I mean smoked) The first was self titled, and the second was called Timebomb. When it seemed like they were poised to break into the mainstream rock n' roll big time...they fell off the face of the planet.

I always checked the racks at Borders, looking for the new CD that I was sure they would eventually come out with, the one that would put them over the top and bring old fashioned rock back into the world. It never came. I had lost all hope.

For four years I wandered on, despondent about the hopes of rock, and watched as Oasis broke up, the Black Crowes broke up, and, even though Kid Rock pushed on into Southern Rock, it wasn't enough to stem the tide of whiny emo bands that have flooded the airwaves in the past two years. They broke the levies that keep shit music in the back of the music racks and away from the radio, and quickly took over not only MTV, but all the other music outlets they could. Before I knew it, all I heard were songs about breakups with girlfriends and some stupid thing mentioning "Ocean Ave". It was all G-rated music that little kids could sing along to and not get yelled at; there were no swears, and the guys that were actually in the bands looked like ten year olds themselves, with their little Zelda haircuts and pop punk style.

Just when I believed that rock was destined to die an especially pussy-ish death, that old band arose like a phoenix from the ashes that we'd thought had blown away. That band has returned triumphantly, and, like true champions of the cause, released their first song (which is about fucking strippers). I haven't got the album yet, but it was released last week, and what I've heard is astounding. It is a brutal, all out assault on all the sandy-vagina-ed crying bullshit that rock has become, and it brings it all back home to the roots of tattoos, drinking, strippers, and living. Joshua Todd is back out in front screeching his wild mantras like few others can do, with CHAOS tattooed on his stomach and the suicide king on his back, and his wail should cause the music industry to tremble and break. They are proving, once again, that there is room in this world for old fashioned hedonism, and that there is even more room for it when you combine it with some badass riffs from guitarist Keith Nelson.

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This band is a true throwback to the times when rock n'roll ruled all it saw, and there was no room for anything else. They play in the spirit of Zeppelin, AC/DC, Guns N'Roses, and all the other bands that represented not only the excesses of rock, but also the inimitable talent and beauty that is inherently possible when a group of tremendously talented individuals get together to drink and jam. They are X-rated, they are wild, and they don't care. Support them. They are Buckcherry.

Hey, you're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

- Buckcherry, Crazy Bitch

1 comment:

Grokodile said...

Hey dude, it's me, anyway, maybe try resizing your pictures a little bit so they don't squish out the right side column?

Anyway, thanks for adding yourself to my directory!

Oh, yeah, you can set width and height tags in your image tags, or simply use paint to resize/rescale the images before uploading them... which is probably a better bet, as it saves space and download time.