1. If you drink enough, seeing who can take the hardest shot to the face may sound like a good idea. It is not.
2. If you drink enough, putting a cigarette out on your knuckle may make sense. It does not.
3. As Brendan Behan said, Guiness does indeed make you drunk.
4. If you drink enough, it may seem like a good idea to call the bouncer, "A fucking doucebag." It is not.
5. The day after St. Patrick's needs to be a national holiday, or at least a paid day off for any of those 1/8 Irish or more. Fuck healthcare, you politicians- work on this! You will have my vote.
6. I should be banned from all things having wheels. Even tricycles are dangerous to me.
7. There are many beautiful women in New York City. None of them want to talk to me.
8. Never ask one of your best friends why he caught the shallow end of the gene pool because you think all his cousins are hot and... well, look at him.