Musical Brawls

Q104.3 plays a lunch block of Mellencamp songs yesterday while I'm working with another guy.

"Mellencamp kicks ass."

"Yea he does. But I think Bon Jovi would kick hiss ass."

"Bon Jovi? Are you kidding?"

"No, man. C'mon, it's Bon Jovi... he'd be goin' all "dead or alive" on him."

"You're full of shit on so many fucking levels. C'mon man. We all know I like Bon Jovi; that's a given. But he's a pretty boy. Fancy girly hair, leather pants and all that shit... he's not tough at all. Mellencamp was the one with the jeans and the t-shirt, working on a farm and all, gettin' in trouble all of the time. He's one of those tough hillbillies... those guys are nuts. "Little Pink Houses" was even a tough song, and it's got the word "pink" in it. "Paper in fire", "Authority Song".... all about getting in trouble. Just tough songs. Bon Jovi? "Bed of Roses"? "Have a Nice Day?" I think not."

"Fine. What about the Boss? He'd beat Mellencamp's ass."

"Sorry man. Don't believe that either. Bruce was always the skinny beat poet guy until "Born In the USA." After the Born in the USA days, Bruce would put up a fight; he bulked up a lot. But before that, Mellecamp was like the Hell's Angels to Bruce's hippie poets. The Boss was riding the rails, and Mellencamp would have been the bull, you know? Now it'd be an even fight though, cause Mellencamp smokes like five packs a day and has had a handful of heart attacks... but he also has a tattoo on his forearm... still a tough hillbilly. Now it'd be a tough call."

"Yea... Bruce did have a lot of soft songs. A lot of melancholy ones."

"Exactly... but then you know who would kick all of their asses."

"Oh yea. Lemmy. Probably all at the same time."

"Fuckin a' right, man."