Friday, April 14, 2006

Bar bullshit

Last night was a good time. I haven't let loose like that in...well a week or so. No, honestly its been a while since I was as...uppity as I was last night. I swear to God its these fucking zombies that Bill makes.

Bill is the bartender at a local bar by me, which is actually a Chinese restaurant (its always funny how these bartenders who are right off the boat from China have names like Bill, Chip, or Steve). Its a quiet place, or at least it was until my buddy found out that we could drink there when we were 17. We haven't stopped going there since. By now, I can order half the menu and enough beer to drown a horse, and I get charged 18.75. Its kind of like Chinese Cheers.

Either way, this bastard makes these zombies, which he calls a "mixed drink" and I call a "Cup of drunk". These have the ability to make you insta-drunk, which is damn impressive for a "mixed drink", and if you drink two of'em, then you may wake up in the morning with a fat chick having pissed yourself (I mean, not that I have, but its possible.) Throw in a couple shots of whiskey, and you've got yourself a night worthy of a Kerouac novel. It was a good time. I was pretty shitfaced by about 11, so it was successful. Of course, when I get that drunk, I start trouble.

The only problem with this Chinese place is that they close early- 11:30 on the weeknights. Back when I was underage, it was only this joint and another that I could drink at and not get hassled by some bouncer- the other place is the Greenhouse. I had a thing set up back in the day, as all of us did before we were 21- we'd go pre-game at China P, then go to the Greenhouse afterwards. It wasn't bad for a 19 year old kid who really couldn't go anywhere else.

Even with this storied history, the Greenhouse is a bar that I can barely hide my enmity for. It is the place where good times go to die, and I've avoided it like the plague for a long time. Fights are always interesting, but there's just too many tough guy guineas there with little dicks who've got to prove something. I've literally almost fought guys for telling them to watch out because drinks were coming through...its to the point where I think most of the crowd there has a fucking learning disability.

ME: "Watch out bud, drinks coming through

TOUGH GUY: "The fuck did you say to me?"

ME: "I said watch out."

TOUGH GUY: "Who the fuck you think you're talking to?!"

ME: "Obviously a fucking retard, huh?" I say with a sigh.

They get mad at this kind of thing. The only good thing is that I know a lot of people who frequent the place, so I'm never alone in any situation. Either way, I don't like that kind of shit so much anymore, I've had my licks. Nowadays I just want to hang out and drink.

Anyway, they had a DJ at this shitbox bar, and this guy was a tool. He looked like your typical fag frat boy, a red and white striped collared shirt covering a skinny- fat body, a goofy fuckin haircut that made me want to smack him on principle. Anyway, I walked over towards the door and started bullshitting with the lone bouncer, a mountain of a man who's known by "Mac". He's cool for a coke blowing bouncer...he's always been good to me. I started talking about this DJ, man this guys sucked.

So after hearing that the bouncer agreed with me, I figured, "Fuck this guy". I walked over to his dashboard thing and started fucking around with all the knobs and buttons and everything...and this fella didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did.

"Can I help you?", he asked bitchily.

"Yea. Leave" I said.


"You fucking suck balls. Play Skynyrd or something. Like, you're really fucking bad" (I'm a class act I know.)

I mean, what do you say to that? This guy had nothing good, cause if he did I would've kept mouthing off to him. He was taller, but I could've beat his ass. Part of the moral of the story is that I guess I'm a bully, and one of those guys I hate sometimes, mouthing off to everybody I can. Although, this guy did piss me off, so maybe I was justified. Probably not, but it makes not feel like such a dick. Of course, the fact that all this happened at the Greenhouse takes some of the sting away, because that place is such a shithole and I hate it.

Before I left, I was a gentleman in the bathroom (meaning I pissed on the toilet paper) and broke some thing on the wall that apparently dispenses something. Oh well, here's to drinking.

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